Your wife is not bonded to you the way you are bonded to her. People talk about a mystical pairbond between a man and a woman, some ethereal glue that holds them both. That is not how it works. There are two patterns, one for each sex, and they point at different things.
Her bond is hypergamy
If women have a pairbond, it is hypergamy. It fires hardest when she watches a man in a live contest, seen by others: fighting, singing, leading, building, competing and winning. Ethologists call this kind of thing a fixed action pattern, a script from evolution that runs once a releasing stimulus sets it off. For her, the stimulus is watching a male display dimorphic traits and behaviour.
If she gets access to that man, and he stays congruent with what she saw on the stage, she becomes bonded to him. Call it contest bonding.
His bond is pairbonding
For men the pattern is inverted. In hypergamy she mates up the status hierarchy, to the man above her. In pairbonding he mates up, to her. The pairbonding male is usually not the contest winner, and there are plenty of average men. Eggs are scarce and sperm is not, so she is the gatekeeper of reproduction. She grants access, and in this dynamic that makes her his superior.
Pairbonding is the male’s fixed action pattern, in the same category as hypergamy. He has the glue for her because she grants access. He invests because she stays, and the longer she stays, the stronger his glue gets.
Only he is bonding
She does not have a pairbonding pattern. Her bond does not grow as he invests. In a pairbond she has settled: she could not get the dimorphic male to commit, so she grants access to a lower-rank male, conditionally. It is a lease, not a permanent bond. He has to keep performing, and the divorce numbers show it: women file about seventy percent of them.
The mismatch breaks most relationships the same way. He loses whatever edge he had, gets soft, stressed and older. She gives less. His pattern runs harder on scarcity, so he gets more desperate and invests more, and desperation is the one thing her hypergamy never fires for. She pulls back further. That spiral is not fate. It only happens to a man who stops competing.
The alpha widow
Her bond fires hardest for the most dimorphic male she ever had access to, and she stays bonded to him, not to the man who invests in her. That is the alpha widow. Both sexes bond, but to different things: he bonds upward to the woman who grants access, she bonds to the high-status man she once had. What people call a pairbond is one pattern pretending to be two.
What a man does with this
Stop asking her to bond with you the way you bond with her. She bonds upward, to the man who wins, so be him. Train your body. Take on contests. Lead. Hold your frame in your own house. Win where she can see it, and keep winning. Then her hypergamy fires for the man she is already with, and you stop being the only one with the glue.